Are you really the "you" you remember?

A really good friend and I were watching the series premier of "Drive" this weekend (the first three episodes are faboo!) and they revealed the past of one of the characters played by Nathan Fillion (Go Captain Tightpants! Woo-hoo!) and Dansingjack raised an interesting point during the discussion that followed this weekend. I know, I know, a Fox program? Engender discussion not of the "OMG, did you see the boobs she had? Yeah, scary. The discussion was about repression and memory and it went something like this:

When something that we are not comfortable with in our past happens, and we decide to change our lives for the better (or worse, depending on your point of view) does that person that we were really go away like a lot of us like to believe, or is the old us just lurking beneath the surface waiting for the right trigger?

I'm fairly certain I remember my past. But that conversation made me wonder: With some of the event in my past, have I tinted them to camouflage what I really did, or do I remember them the right way?

I remember leaving random roses. I know I did that.

I don't remember a conversation I might have had on a difficult religious subject that may have caused a rift in a friendship, only that the friend stopped calling.

I remember being badly hurt in most of my relationships. I know I felt that.

I don't remember why I got dumped, except for what I "remember".

Did some of the people I knew really do and say the things I "remember" them saying or did I fictionalize it to lessen the pain and the anger that I felt towards those individuals?

I used to be certain in my beliefs about my past.

Now? I'm not so sure.

I mean, I know what I remember, but does it jive with what they remember?

Of course, if I did post what I remember, I'm certain that they person who I think did whatever it was that they did to me will remember something completely different that makes me look like the bad guy instead of the wronged party. That's a natural tendency, I believe, to cast yourself in the best light possible. This makes the entire exercise moot, truth be told.

Why?

Simply because after anywhere from 5 years to a decade everyone is different.

I'm not the same guy I was in some respects, but in other respects I haven't changed a bit. But the overall effect is like "new me" all over again.

I have a different take on life now that I'm 32. I have a different religious standpoint, a different political standpoint, a different roommate and even some tattoos.

I'm not the same person I was in University.

I'm not the same person I was in High School.

Heck, I'm not even the same person I was when I started the job I'm currently at.

How do we really know that we know what we know?

I guess we'll never know...come on loyal readers, give me your takes on it!

I just don't understand some people...

OK, so here's the deal.

Everyone knows I have a dog. I do mean EVERYONE. She is my pride and joy. She's a happy-go-lucky, full-tilt Siberian Husky. She has all the options that a dog should have, including wagging tail, a full set of sharp teeth, claws and a love of peanut butter that has to be seen to be believed.

I went to walk her at about 10:00 tonight and as I was going out, another dog owner, who I thought was a friend (more on this later) was coming in. To make her transition faster (coming through the security door) I took my dog down another fight of stairs to clear the stair well. The stair well isn't that big to begin with, and with two owners and two dogs, it can get tight. Also, this dog owner was out in -10 degree weather in warm-up pants, a light coat and no hat. Her face was bright red and she LOOKED cold. I figured if I took my dog down a landing, she'd be able to get in faster.

A little back story here. Yesterday, I was out in the dog run with the same owner, her dog, and another pug and her owner. Well, this pug was harassing the border collie of the owner in question, sticking her nose right in his junk, and eventually, the border collie had had enough and snapped at the pug, and basically tried to eat it. I know the border collie. He would NEVER actually hurt another dog on purpose, but the attack was a warning, nothing more, and I thought nothing of it. I mean my dog and the border collie play with their teeth all the time and I think nothing of it. It's what dogs do. At this point, taking Thora out for a pee, I'm not even thinking about that. It doesn't even cross my head.

OK, back to my narrative.

So I take Thora down a flight, to let the border collie and his owner in. Simple right?

Apparently not.

The owner comes in, looks down at the landing and says: "What was that for?"
"To make it easier for you to come in," I reply.
"Do you have a problem with my dog?" she asks as she pulls open the hallway door and heads to the elevators, her back now completely to me.
"No, not at all," I reply, to her rapidly fading back.
"Yeah, whatever," she says. The door closes.

So I have my dog in the dog run in back of our building, and what do you know, but the border collie's owner comes out and starts reaming me out.

"That was smart," she says.
"What?" I ask.
"You heard me," she shoots back. "That was really smart. If you have a problem with my dog, you come to me."

Now, I'm completely non-plussed by this, kind of stunned, actually, because this is TOTALLY out of left field. I'm still trying to figure out what I did that was that heinous. So this woman tees off on me again. This time she starts teeing off on the fact that apparently my roommate has been shunning her too. She calls my roommate a bitch, calls me an asshole, all because, apparently, my "perfect dog Thora" (said sarcastically, of course) is too good for her border collie. I'm trying VERY hard not to get pissed off, and finally, I can't take it anymore.

"Look," I shoot back at her, thoroughly pissed by now, "I don't care if you're mad at all the men in the world, it doesn't give you the right to come down here and go off on me like that."

She, of course, ignores this and finishes by telling me, sarcastically, "Don't you worry, my dog will never be near your fucking dog again. Never fucking again."

I'm OK with this whole not seeing her or her dog again thing. She strikes me as more than a little unstable and constantly pissed at the men in the world. But I'm still upset, because I consider myself a level-headed guy, you know? I mean this is upsetting me, and I'm really pissed by now and really holding it in, but I did manage to get off a parting shot:

"You know, maybe it's not your dog that's the problem here." And I left it at that.

I'm still wondering what the fuck I did that was so wrong. I mean, as far as I'm concerned, I did nothing wrong, so if anyone can point out here what I did that was so bad, I'd greatly appreciate it!

Hate Laws - Applied to Whites Only?

I found this article while doing a news search for lacrosse:

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/2...jectid=10419424

It's actually a very interesting situation.

The law itself, as the article states, is very clear.

It is designed to punish those who commit crimes "motivated by hatred, bias or prejudice, based on the actual or perceived race, colour, [b]religion[/b], national origin, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation or gender identity of another individual or group of individuals". I don't give a **** of you're PURPLE, if you're beating someone and saying "**** (insert color here) people!" and the person you're beating happens to be that color, it's a hate crime.

For too long there has been a culture of entitlement that is race based.

For too long the race card has been played and people have backed off.

For too long crimes have gone unpunished because of fear of seeming "racist".

As you can see from the law excerpt above, it applies to ANY colour.

It's not a law applied only to white people.

It's not a law only applied to black people.

It's not a law applied only to yellow or red or brown people.

It's a law that applies to EVERYONE, and if you are going to break it, you deserve to be punished for it.

I don't care if you're white or black or red or yellow or brown or taupe or mauve or magenta. If you commit a crime against another racial group, as this gang obviously did, then you deserve to be punished for it.

Of course, the black community will call the Hate Law racist now, it's to be expected. It will come as no surprise to anyone if the teenagers charged (the youngest is 12?!?! WTF???) will play the race card as has so often been done in the past to excuse crimes.

The article has a caption that states: "Laws to protect black and other minorities from hate crimes are now being used against them as the US deals with a new wave of attacks." BULLSHIT!

The law was put into place to deter CRIMES, PERIOD. The law is blind. That's why Lady Justice is ALWAYS shown with a scales, a sword and BLINDFOLDED. She makes no distinction as to color, sexual orientation, age, religion or sex. Her laws are designed to be impartial and apply to everyone. Minorities have used the Hate Crimes laws to shelter their own activities and to protect themselves from the very same things that whites have been charged with, and now the law is being applied as it should: impartially.

Your race should not shield you from prosecution.

Your race should not make you above the law.

Laws are designed to be applied to everyone, no matter their race, sex, orientation, religion or age, and it's about time they bloody well did so.

What did I post last year at around this time? Oh, yeah...Yup, it's Merch-mas. That time of year when we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ by going out and blowing scads and scads of cash on useless trinkets and bibbledy-bobs that will get re-gifted anyways. Seriously, how did three wise men bringing gold and frankincense and myrrh to the saviour of man kind turn into a jolly fat man giving away rocking horses and toy trains and gewgaws to kids screaming for iPods and Dells and that their parents don't love them if they don't get them...

Personally, I bought gifts I bought for the ones I love based on the thought that think they might like them, and if they don't, there's ways around it. They can always resell the gifts I bought them because the gifts are transferable. They all got season tickets for the Toronto Rock. That's right, I'm spreading the lacrosse love around, baby. They now have tickets to the same insane sporting events I go to, and I think they might actually like it. If not, hey, their resale value is about $200, so that should make 'em happy. Turn the gift into cash and buy something for themselves that they actually want...and if they're internet savvy, they'll have found my blog by now and will know about the gifts, but at this point, I just don't care.

Yup. It's that friggin' time of year again. That time where you scour the crowded malls, pushing through the jostling, perspiring, smelly, insistent, rude crowd to get to the store that has what you think the people on your gift list want, only to find that they are sold out, or that it's $200 more than you expected...Me? I'm going gift certificates this year.

That's right.

None of this: "Well, I got you what I thought you wanted...don't you like puce colored wool sweaters?" or "Oh! A...what is this again? No, no, no, really, I love it!" Screw that. I'm getting everyone gift certificates and gift cards to their favourite stores so I don't have to cudgel my poor addled brains to try to figure out what they want. Nothing is more frustrating to me that trying to get my parents or my brother to tell me what they want for Christmas. Seriously...I mean it's KILLING ME trying to figure out what my brother wants. I know, I know, it should be easy. After all, he's family, and he's only 4.5 years younger than me, but our lives have taken radically different paths. I mean, he's experimented with drugs. The strongest drugs I've ever done was maybe a little weed on New Years back in 1997. He parties like a fiend. I'm usually in bed by 11. I mean, really what do I get for him? I can't get him nothing, that's just inconsiderate, but I figure a gift card to HMV might be just the thing. I think he'll appreciate the fact that I'm completely out of touch, and a $50 Gift Card will let him know exactly how much I'm willing to spend on him so that in future, if he decides he wants a real gift instead of a gift certificate, he knows what sort of price range we're looking at here.

The parents are easy: wine. South African, Chilean, Aussie. Reds. Whites give my mom headaches. I have a few in mind, but I might go Vintages this year at the LCBO and surprise them.

The roommate? That's a little more difficult. Anyone know where I can find a copy of Rammstein's Volkerball? Yeah...thought so...HMV is really not a help and anywhere I order from won't have it shipped by Christmas, so I'm up a certain creek without a paddle on that one...I'll figure something out...oh, and gifts for Martin, Pattie, Jason, Karen, Elsie, Rose, Calvin, Joe, Bonnie, Grandma and Grampa, Sylvia, Billy, Colene, Ron...*sigh* at $50 each, I'm looking at $1000 easy in gift certificates...maybe I'll just get 'em $25 gift certificates instead...yeah, that's the ticket...

See what I mean?

Merry Merch-mas everyone! I'm off to the pub to get drunk!

Meathead's World

Meathead's World

How sad is it when CNN, a NEWS network, devotes time to something like this when there are so MANY other events that could be covered?

So a comedian called out a couple of people who had been heckling him at a comedy club. So what?

So he used a word that only one group of people can use without fear of reprisal. So what?

What has America, "Land of the Free"(tm), come to when a mere word (in this case, nigger) can end someone's career, or at least put a limping career out of its misery? What does the word mean? Seriously.

What does the N-Word mean?
According to the Merriam Webster dictionary:

Main Entry: nig·ger
Pronunciation: 'ni-g&r
Function: noun
Etymology: alteration of earlier neger, from Middle French negre, from Spanish or Portuguese negro, from negro black, from Latin niger
1 usually offensive; see usage paragraph below : a black person
2 usually offensive; see usage paragraph below : a member of any dark-skinned race
3 : a member of a socially disadvantaged class of persons
usage Nigger in senses 1 and 2 can be found in the works of such writers of the past as Joseph Conrad, Mark Twain, and Charles Dickens, but it now ranks as perhaps the most offensive and inflammatory racial slur in English. Its use by and among blacks is not always intended or taken as offensive, but, except in sense 3, it is otherwise a word expressive of racial hatred and bigotry.

Hmmm...so, the N-word means black.
And the black americans object to being called the N-word. It's a word that has been reserved, through pop-culture, as usable only by one class or group of people and whose use by anyone not of that race incites charges of racism and hatred.

Funny, but I don't recall ever reacting as violently as I have seen blacks react to being called the N-word when someone has called me a fag, a slope, a chink, a slant, a cracker, whitey, etc. Why is it that a little 6 letter word so inflames one race, but similar insults thrown at other races don't prodice the same reaction?

Hopefully someone can help me understand this, because as a nitro-hauling, slant-eyed, dry-cleaning penny-pinching chinkie, I just don't get the furor that shutting down a heckler has caused.

I'm not trying to start a blogspot flame-war, I'm really trying to understand. And I know that some of the first responses that I will get will be of the "You don't understand, you're not black and your people were never enslaved..." but I'd like to point out that for decades, Chinese immigrants were paid less than nothing, forced to carry unstable nitroglycerine and tri-nitro-toluene into rail tunnels while being held hostage in the American west to build railways for the white man. I have been denied a hotel room in the American South, I have been spit on by people in my home land of China and politely ignored in Scotland, my other homeland. I have been on the other end of racism, but of all the epithets I have had thrown at me, I never understood the furor over the N-word...

Meathead's World

Meathead's World

Murder Suspect Gunned Down by Police

Recently, and I'm talking yesterday recently, I found out some shicking and saddening news. Yesterday morning, an online friend of mine was stabbed to death in a domestic dispute with her husband. He was later gunned down by the Philadelphia Police when he came at them with a knife.

I wanted to take a few minutes to pass on my condolences to her teenage sons and to the rest of her family. I know that these are difficult times, but the night is always darkest just before the dawn and the new day will bring new hope and hopefully the start of the healing process.

You are gone, Louise, but not forgotten. Your legacy in photographs lives on. We shall not forget you or David.

Meathead's World

Meathead's World

It seems I always update this thing at the worst times…funny that…but in this particular case, it’s not a bad thing, but rather a cautiously optimistic thing.

On Wednesday, October 18 2006 my maternal grandmother was hospitalized and diagnosed with colon cancer. Her hospitalization was as a result of sudden blood loss from an area that hadn’t experience blood loss in almost 30 years.

After her hospitalization, she was placed under observation and had a CT scan over the weekend to determine the location and extent of the growth that was causing her discomfort. She had her operation at 1030EDT on Monday, October 23 2006, and from all reports, she is recovering nicely. My mother told me that the doctors had removed as much of the growth as they could and would be keeping her for observation over the next few days.

More info as events warrant!

Meathead's World

Video Game to Blame for Dawson College Shootings?

The recent shootings at Dawson College in Montreal are a stark reminder that all is not well in the world. This incident has made me realise how vulnerable and fragile the human body really is and how precious life is. It has also made me think about why something like this happens. And for those of you that are involved directly in the Dawson College shootings, I want to apologise in advnace for what I am going to write here if it does offend any of you. Offending people is NOT my intention with this blog post, it is to examine what happened, and more importantly WHY this happened.

The media has this strange desire to blame everything and everyone but the responsible parties in this mass shootings and murder case. Kimveer Gill was a loner, yes. Kimveer Gill was a "vampire", yes. Kimveer Gill was a member of a rifle club, yes. Kimveer Gill played video games, yes. Kimveer Gill was potentially mentally unstable, yes.

Was a video game to blame for this event?
The media seems to think so, blaming a video game called Super Columbine Massacre for his actions.

While it is the quick and easy thing to do: blame video games, blame his style of clothing, blame his beliefs, it is not always right, and that it what really gets to me.

We have an individual who, for all intents and purposes, went haywire and shot up his school, and for the media it's as simple as "Oh, well, he played this video game, and he was a "vampire" and he dressed funny, so that must be what did it." There is no examination of his past, no examination of home life, sexual history, family history, nothing. Just anonymous posts on a website called vampirefreaks.com and the media goes "Yes! That MUST be it!"

What we need to examine are the reasons WHY he played the video games he did. WHY he thought the way he did. WHY his parents didn't do anything to help him (if they did try, then I laud them, unfortunately some people just cannot be helped).

Video games and websites don't MAKE you do anything. I have yet to see a video game hold my parrot hostage for more playing time in the PS2. I have never seen a Nintendo DS take change out of my wallet for smokes. I have yet to see a GameCube frog-march someone to the store to pick up more ammo for a 12-guage.

A video game can't MAKE you do anything.

The predisposition to violence must have been there before Kamveer Gill picked up his rifle. By necessity it MUST have been there. I like games just as much as the next person (OK, I game on an N64 but still) and I play first-person shooter games, but I have never had the urge to pick up a rifle and go plinking at University. I was a goth. I don't dress like a Goth, but being a Goth isn't the clothing, as the media will insist. Goth is a mind set, a set of beliefs, and an appreciation for the stately and beautiful. It is NOT a fascination with death, killing and the dead as the media seems to think.

What made Kamveer Gill do what he did?

I am calling on all media outlets to seriously examine what he has done isntead of looking for the quick and easy out.

Well, I'm not proud...and here's why...

So something happened to day and I'm not proud.

I hit one of my neighbours dogs.

Before PETA comes down on my ass like a bag of hammers and the rest of you animal lovers start howling for my blood, let me explain. My puppy, Thora, was in the dog run at our condo with Oreo, our neighbours Border Collie, and she took a poop. Yes, I know, all well and good, because dogs do that sort of thing. Well, this time, there was blood in her poop, and not only blood in her poop, but also blood on her fur around her bum.

Naturally I went to panic stations, as I LOVE my dog, and with blood in her poop, it's always a concern.

Well, I call Thora over and try to get her to lie down, so I can take a look and try to determine what's wrong, and my neighbour's border collie comes running over, and almost knocks me over while I'm trying to look at Thora's butt. My neighbour starts calling out "Oreo! Oreo!" and starts trying to wave her dog over. In the mean time, I'm trying to keep my puppy quiet so that I can take a look at what's going on down there, and Oreo keep charging in to look. I started waving my hand, not looking, to try to keep him away. Of course, this means that he thinks I'm trying to play with him and keeps trying to nose at Thora while she's on her back, legs spread, tail pulled back, and I do NOT want him there. My neighbour, in the mean time, continues to simply call her dog instead of stepping in to grab Oreo. I don't know if she could have, I know that she's been having problems with her back, but there it is.

Well, I made contact. A good solid open handed smack on the butt, and he skitters away. I didn't hit him that hard. No yelp, no grunt, no nothing, but it was enough to keep him away while I tried to look, and determined that, yes, indeed, that was blood on Thora's butt and it seemed to be seeping a little from her sphincter.

In the mean time, my neighbour is aghast because I swatted her dog away and made contact, and she starts cursing at me to never to hit her dog. I apologised profusely, explaining that I was really concerned about my dog and I was trying to keep him away. In the mean time, she still just stands there, calling her dog, instead of trying to get in there and grab him. I continued to apologise for hitting Oreo, but apparently, she wasn't going to hear it, and as a parting shot told me she would never hit my dog.

I feel really shitty about it because I like Oreo and my neighbour, and I would NEVER hurt another animal on purpose. I don't know if my actions are justifiable, but I do feel bad about it. I was trying to keep Oreo away from Thora so that I could ascertain what was wrong with her, and he was being a pain in the butt, but I hope that my neighbour can find it in her heart to forgive me, beacuse I don't want Thora to lose a playmate in Oreo, and I don't want to lose a friend in my neighbour.

Thanks for listening people.

UPDATE!
Found what was causing the bleeding. It was, as my vet puts it, a "dietary indiscretion". Apparently, Thora got into something she shouldn't have, namely some wood chips. Her second poop of the evening was still slightly bloody, but in the last piece expelled, I could find some semi-hard, squarish, woody-like pieces, which was probably a part of the table at my parent's place that she was gnawing on.

Whew!

Again, to my neighbour, I'm sorry!

Anti-Gay Protesters Bring Shame on Themselves

Anti-Gay Church Protests at Soldier's Funeral

OK, see, this ^^^ just makes me sick. A man has died protecting freedom and promoting democracy and the same 1st Amendment rights and freedoms that you are using and you use this Constitutional Amendment to ruin his funeral? That's not right. As a matter of fact, it's sad. Sad, sickening and reprehensible. I am not anti-gay, or anti-war, or anti-protest, but there is a better time and place.

To claim that God is punishing America for harbouring gays by killing its soldiers in Iraq is, well, ludicrous at best. At worst it is farcical, narrow-minded and extremely indicative of the political climate and the direction America is heading in collectively under the current administration.

The sad thing is, even though the soldier's family has sued, it will get tossed in court. I believe the family is suing for causation of emotional distress but the judge will probably argue that i's not applicable because the church members were using their right to Free Speech.

I would like to address the next part of this to Sean Hannity, who claimed that the "anti-war left" organized the protest:

GET YOUR FUCKING HEAD OUT OF YOUR FUCKING ASS!

It was not the "anti-war left" that organized this, but a group from a Baptist Church! A religious, right-wing group.

Right-Wing Christian radicals often wonder why people either hate them or ridicule them. It's not that hard to figure out when they make it so fucking easy. I mean, seriously...protesting gays at a funeral where a soldier died protecting YOUR 1st Amendment rights is fucking ludicrous...sorry, but this just...gah!

More later when I don't feel like shoving a dull pencil into Rev. Phelp's and Sean Hannity's eye...